what if there was no light

i thought that after thanksgiving, i would feel hopeful. or at least some relief that the year is coming to an end. but it's all such a farce because even next year, i'll still be as alone as i am right now. after this semester, there'll be another five months until im free. i dont believe that im lucky. if im so lucky, why are all the people i care about so far away? why is every day so difficult to get through? i don't know how to fix this. im tired of being sad.