home

is where ever im with you.

(im too close to ruining everything. and thats not even an exaggeration)

follow the arrow

looking at the prettier, skinnier, happier.

about circles that break? never satisfied? what is it that pushes into away? heart beats so fast i cant breathe?

what if there was no light

i thought that after thanksgiving, i would feel hopeful. or at least some relief that the year is coming to an end. but it's all such a farce because even next year, i'll still be as alone as i am right now. after this semester, there'll be another five months until im free. i dont believe that im lucky. if im so lucky, why are all the people i care about so far away? why is every day so difficult to get through? i don't know how to fix this. im tired of being sad.

that in the eighties it was too hard

to make anyone as beautiful as you.

t u e s d a y is taking f o r ev e r

to get

here.

im jealous of people with friends.

there's nowhere else to go

seven things i want in my future

1. mfa gradschool

2. a home with cmf

3. puppy

4. macarthur

5. financial stability

6. to be happy with my body

7. poetry that will make people feel

whatcha say

that you only meant well,

well of course you did.

surprisingly, halloween in columbus ohio was more fun than any halloween in nyc. maybe the little gray wolf just needed her little red? good thing anther trip is only a few weeks away.

i haven't been sleeping well. sometimes i bring up pictures of him sleeping so that i'll feel better about always being tired. i spend all day in bed and never feel rested. just restless and sore.

time should start speeding up soon please and thanks.

we will put this flesh

into the ground again.

my mama came to visit for two weeks, it helped the time go by.

she asked me what i do when i get lonely, i told her, nothing.

she said, thats no way to live, and i told her, i know.

thankfully, i get to return to columbus for halloween weekend.

i miss my jellybean.

sometimes i wonder why the people who care about me

are always so far away. i hate that i've stranded myself.

hoping for raleigh i can see my baby tonight

so rock me mama like a wagon wheel.

weighed down by regret, i chose to not experience college and i cant ever get that back.

and now i dont know what im doing with my life. im not ready for graduate school. i dont feel ready for anything. the only things i look forward to are trips away from where i am. such resentment for the present.

i wish i had a beach house

then we could make a big fire every night.

in a really great mood right now. 

-cant wait to get my wolf hat in the mail, no scams i hope! 

-headed to duke on thursday night, i really miss that kid. 

-cmf makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the universe.

-karma really is a bitch, ha, who's stuck with a cheating bastard now?! 

-the weather makes everything seem bright and shiny and hopeful

-september is disappearing faster than expected. 

-there's at least one tangible and adorable idea for halloween. 

i like i like when we whisper soft to each other

i conquered the first week of school. 

living in chelsea has its ups n downs. 

$ (trips, meals, gre) are on my mind. 

revenge is pushed to the backburner. 

i wish i had someone to come home to, someone to wake up to, someone to fall into. oh wait, my someone is fourhundredseventyseven miles away (or so).

and all the simple things were gone

and then the sadness just came along. 

back in ny and back to being alone. 

moving around gets old, i need to find something more comfortable and secure. i dont want to come between friends but ive put all my eggs in one basket. 

you belong with me

it seems we're meant to hate it being so dependent

but it seems we can believe that we're two peas in this pod

we call new york gets so lonesome

three more days and then its back to the city.

im without a roommate, again. 

and i don't know what to do about my kitt. 

and i dont know what to do about forgetting. 

i've met someone that makes me feel seasick

if i could feel the way i do right now

for the rest of time space and beyond

i'd give up the sun and the gold. 

this trip is at the halfway point 

and i've never felt more loved.

thx lady luck. 

but it was ruined by the sunshine shining through me

columbus is full of 

driving hiding riding 

reading feeding needing

kissing whistling tickling

waiting wanting wandering

loving lusting lucking the fk out.

before i knew it this dream was all gone

16 hours.

i am breaking apart and the worst is that i can't take any of this back. i don't know anything anymore.

lets not fall back asleep like we used to

only 5 more days

something good can work

i'm torn in two. 

no one saw this coming, especially me. 

now that im 20...

i don't want anything more 

than to see your face when you open the door

you'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea

and we'll get chinese and watch tv

tomorrow we'll take the dog for a walk

and in the afternoon then maybe we'll talk

i'll be exhausted so i'll probably sleep

and we'll get chinese and watch tv

you wipe the tears from my eye

and you say that all that it takes is a phone call

i cry at the thought of being alone and then

i wonder how long it will take till i'm home again

ps. i booked my ticket. countdown starts now. 22 days... 

you can take my body put it in a boat

light it on fire send it out to sea

what?

in need of...

new roommate

new certainty

i want to lose my brain

im not going to teach him how to dance with you

hes got two left feet and he bites my moves.

1. im biting my tongue 2. hes kissing on your hand

the first fight. then the second fight. two nights in a row. for about two months now, ive woken up happy because theres something in my life thats blossoming and beautiful. but then i just fucking powerviolenced it. or something.

i can't fall asleep to your mystery

slowly blowing from the shore

i have not failed to be what you expect of me

swallowing glass just to stay pure

these weeks have been rough, 

but if i can just push through to july,

everything should work itself out. 

walking on a dream

please lets get out of here

okay so im in love.

they can take me anywhere i want

i put my headphones on

now im gone with my head in a cloud

and the songs they're just dancin' around

i have built a treehouse

nobody can see us

its a you and me house

patterns in traffic that pulls just like my heart race in the dark

its scary but worth it. 

let's talk about spaceships

or anything except you and me okay? 

why do you call me adorable?

how accurate are those fortune cookies? 

say hi to your mother

im gonna drink your blood

headlights

today is turning out beautifully.

1. woke up on time and registered for all the classes that i wanted.

2. bought a scale.

3. i miss you too little spoon, text msgs like that are the reason i text. 

4. still under 100 calories and its already 4.42pm. 

5. the movie is over, hopefully those animal crackers will be charming.

6. my playwriting class got cancelled, i wont have to workshop till next week.

7. jacob is coming to visit tonight.

8. i have new goals and new plans. and like my fortune cookie advised, im keeping it on the dl.

9. figured out what that book is called, 'she comes undone' 

10. im downloading music and that's always wonderful.

hey kids

i've been trying to keep busy but it doesn't really change the fact that you're back to your old habits. 

facebook communication

it's impersonal, 

so thanks for telling me through a wallpost.

i suppose i should've seen this coming, 

i never learned how to keep friends. 

the night of the iguana

we all wind up with something or someone and if it's someone instead of just something, we're lucky,  perhaps- unusually lucky....

it's like finding something pretty in a jar of flies

stop taunting me 

peter bjorn and john

usually when things have gone this far

people tend to disappear

no one will surprise me unless you do

bourgeosie

the day after someone leaves is the worst

defense of poesie

But if (fie of such a but) you be borne so neare the dull-making Cataract of Nilus, that you cannot heare the Planet-like Musicke of Poetrie; if you have so earth-creeping a mind that it cannot lift it self up to looke to the skie of Poetrie.... thus much Curse i must send you in the behalfe of all Poets, that while you live, you live in love, and never get favour, for lacking skill of a Sonnet, and when you die, your memorie die from the earth for want of an Epitaphe. 

got the thumbs up

if i can pull it off, i'm graduating a year early. 

i've never felt this anxious

i cant bring myself to say anything in any of my classes. as if all the creativity and confidence i might have had, at one point, has somehow been sucked out of me. typing all this out is quite difficult. the truth is hard to admit.

Have you ever asked a dandelion the time?

Have you ever asked a dandy lion it's time

to try and die and multiply and synthesize

and sympathize with a dandelion and her bee. 

finished a separate piece

i could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case.