I can't come up with any reason
Why a ghost is following me
Why a ghost is following me
I got some feed for the longing
I got the pillow for the bad dreams
The apparition dancing with me
Stepping down all over my feet
There is no key to my gate
But you can still come around
Lean your ladder against my window
And I'll come down, I'll come down
Sometimes I don't know what I am seeing
Who's keeping track of all thats breathing
There's a world thats waiting for me
There's world thats waiting for me
I haven't written a post in a long long time. It's strange, reading through all my old posts. I was so sad and lonely and then not sad/not lonely, but not because I grew up and learned how to love myself but because of a boy. I guess it's always about a boy. Whoever told me that reading would make me grow up too fast was wrong. Reading is what has kept me from growing up and moving on. I will forever believe that this is a world where you find your one epic love and it's like the sun shines brighter and the air feels cooler. I don't know if it's how I'm made- to be so dependent and unable to be alone, but you can't spend too much time thinking about all of the flaws. This blog followed a journey where I found my first love and then after I caught him, I stopped writing. And now he's gone. We don't talk, he doesn't look at me the way he used to, and he's seeing other people. That's what life is like. You find your first love and you cling to him, hold him so tightly that he can't breathe and then suddenly it's you who can't breathe and then one day finally you both just let go.
I have someone else now. He tells me that I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. At the beach, he said we were soul mates. The universe talked to us. His eyes change colors from speckled green to light chestnut brown and I can't sleep if he's not next to me. He's my sleeping giant and he holds my hand whenever we cross the street. But why does it not feel like enough? Maybe C was right- nothing will ever be enough. I found my first love. He was easygoing and we trusted each other and he had the softest lips and I loved watching him eat. He thought I was funny and had cool style. I got into law school. I mean right now, at this moment I should be studying for finals but instead, I'm writing in this blog and crying. I should be happy. I shouldn't let all the little things get to me. There's a pork roast in the oven. All I want is to stop feeling so sad.
