what if there was no light

i thought that after thanksgiving, i would feel hopeful. or at least some relief that the year is coming to an end. but it's all such a farce because even next year, i'll still be as alone as i am right now. after this semester, there'll be another five months until im free. i dont believe that im lucky. if im so lucky, why are all the people i care about so far away? why is every day so difficult to get through? i don't know how to fix this. im tired of being sad.

that in the eighties it was too hard

to make anyone as beautiful as you.

t u e s d a y is taking f o r ev e r

to get

here.

im jealous of people with friends.

there's nowhere else to go

seven things i want in my future

1. mfa gradschool

2. a home with cmf

3. puppy

4. macarthur

5. financial stability

6. to be happy with my body

7. poetry that will make people feel

whatcha say

that you only meant well,

well of course you did.

surprisingly, halloween in columbus ohio was more fun than any halloween in nyc. maybe the little gray wolf just needed her little red? good thing anther trip is only a few weeks away.

i haven't been sleeping well. sometimes i bring up pictures of him sleeping so that i'll feel better about always being tired. i spend all day in bed and never feel rested. just restless and sore.

time should start speeding up soon please and thanks.